It was a beautiful day and a lady named rosey was going to get married with a man named daniel.They went in a limo to go to the woods but before they did that they got changed into wedding dresses and wedding suits.Rosey got dressed into a white puffy dress that looked like a giant marshmallow. “ This dress looks like i can just eat it and get another dress.” She wore the poppy that her father wore when she was young and he went to war it reminds her of her dad.
Her hair was in a bun and some of her hair was kind of in her face. " wow i look so gorgeous with my hair in a bun and a poppy in my bune and this beautiful dress that i am in."
When they got to the woods rosey had a feeling that she shouldn't marry daniel. she said in her head " I don't want to marry this man because he was not her type and it did not feel right. " I'm going to the toilet okay daniel." She said. "Okay then but be back as quick as you can cause you dont want to miss out on the wedding purposely." Daniel said to rosey.
When rosie went out of the door and nobody was looking she ran as fast as she can. She took off her high heels and then she ran away and she got her self lost in the woods.She got tired and sat down waiting and waiting until someone came to get her. After a little while rosey missed the limo when everybody left back to their homes. She cried and cried and she didn't stop. It got dark and dark and she got scared as the sun went down and the moon came up.
Right after a little while somebody came to save her from the horrible woods. She said in her head " I am never ever going to have my next wedding in the woods ever again." THE END
Your writing just keeps getting better and better Syraiah-Lee.
ReplyDeleteYou have got paragraphs, dialogue, powerful words, most of the time you have used full stops and capital letters properly and you have lots of detail. Woohoo!
I love this part "It got darker and darker. She got scared, as the sun went down and the moon came up". What an interesting way to say that! You could have said like 'she stayed there for ages and then it was night time' but thats so boring. I love the way you are thinking to make everything you say very interesting.
Next steps - sometimes you remembered to put a capital letter on Daniel and Rosey's names and sometimes you didn't. Just make sure you double check it when you are typing! :)
Wow Syraiah Lee, you are turning into a great story writer. I was totally captivated by your story. It flowed so well and you had such good describing words that I could paint a picture of the events that took place in the story. I liked the way you described the bride's dress " Puffy like a giant marshmallow". Awesome work Syraiah Lee. I am extremely proud of you.
ReplyDeleteNice work Syraiah Lee. I liked the part that said: 'a white puffy dress that looked like a giant marshmallow'. This is a very cool simile which really helped me to imagine what the dress looked like. I love to read interesting and descriptive stories! :)
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